walk in the labyrinth

In my previous post, A Walk in the Labyrinth, it dawned on me how preoccupied I was and how difficult it was for me to go within.   It took me three months but I was back in the labyrinth to fulfill a promise I made to myself.

 

The Hat I Wore

 

As I stood there with the warmth of the sun on my face, I acknowledged the fact that I wore the hat of responsibility very seriously.  I was eight years old when I studied in another city and was away from home.  Of course, as the eldest, it was but natural to take care of my younger siblings when they followed my footsteps.   No one dictated me to do this.  But somehow I often placed their needs and concerns over mine.  And subconsciously, I developed the habit of putting myself last.   You have to understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with caring about others. The problem was that I would feel guilty if I took care of myself.  I felt I was being selfish.  

 

My Personal Walk

“Okay, Michelle, let’s do this!”  I took a deep breath, removed my slippers and entered the labyrinth with slow steps.  The ground felt hard and the grass tickled my feet. I paused for a moment to allow my body to get used to the sensation.   I walked quietly.  But the noise in my head was intense.  Many of the worrisome thoughts came rushing in.  Let it go, let it go.  I continued breathing and turned my attention to the ground beneath my feet.  I looked around and feasted on the greenery before me.  I focused on each step and the fallen leaves, twigs or the tiny ants that were crawling on the ground.  The thoughts gently faded with each step.   I was halfway to the center when I suddenly felt like singing out loud.  “Was singing allowed in this sacred space?”  I wondered.   I threw caution to the winds and began singing.

 

I see trees of green, red roses too.

I see them bloom for me and you.

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white.

The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night.

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

 
 

I hummed my way to the center of the labyrinth.  Yes!  I made it to the center! I made it!  I knelt down and gave my heartfelt thanks.  My heart was filled with joy.

Then I slowly laid my head on the rock and stayed there in silence, in reverence for this sacred moment.

Peace.

Blessed peace filled me.

 

 

Final Steps

It was time to go back.

I walked out as unhurriedly as I could.  But something inside prodded me to do something different.   It was as if an inner music had magically been switched on.  I began skipping.  Then I started singing and dancing.  I felt extremely silly but I didn’t care.  I even raised my hands in celebration!   I realized in that moment, I was able to remove my hat of responsibility and allowed myself to have fun.  I also planted a new belief that it is truly okay to give time for me.  That I didn’t have to feel guilty.  And I felt really good.

Breathe and let go.

 

 

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